Monday, March 22, 2010

Soul Searching

Few facts first:
1. I have not lost a single pound this year so far
2. I can eat anything
3. That is bad combination.
4. Not feeling great
It was a long silence from me - reasons were few. I was finishing the class, preparing for the final exam, had a conference in Phoenix, then three sessions of finals, finally caught a bad cold and spent few days in bed.
During the conference, which just happen to be in five star resort with abundance of food and liqueur, it was hard to stay focused on picking the 'right' food, avoid temptations, etc. I stayed away from alcohol, coffee, but I had discovered that I can have a piece of pastry without punishment. Sorry, the punishment was strictly mental. Last few days I am recovering from the cold. I feel weak, I see that my muscles deteriorated, and I am still feeling without any energy. Going to the gym is still a future project, going to bed is much easier accomplished. I am becoming worried that my surgery was limited to my 'gastric' system and not my brain, do I need some kind of hypnosis? Weight Watchers help as a weekly reminder, bariatric center support meetings are monthly reminder, but I feel like I need it every hour. For the first time I have doubts, I am afraid that I am failing. I am still 35 lbs away from my goal and I will not accept compromise.
I made an appointment for tomorrow with my general practitioner to see what can be done with my total lack of energy, but as of now I have been trying to evaluate what is happening. I am not sure. I see the cycle of no energy, no exercise, increased hunger, no weight loss, and I seem to be powerless to break out of it.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Country road...

I think I am beginning to understand what is happening to me, and once I 'got it', it was so obvious...
About 13-14 years ago I developed diabetes, and doctors instead of checking for it - checked everything else. Looking back it seems almost impossible how they could miss it.
As I already wrote about, lately I felt tired, with attacks of hunger and almost instant need to eat. I started to exercise and noticed that I am just passing out. I tested my blood sugar next time when the bottom hit me. Today I rode my bicycle to school, and when I arrived there I felt really strange. Instead of reaching for a protein bar or something else I reached out for my meter. Sugar at low 70s. Glass of water and two glucose tablets - within 10 minutes sugar at 105 and I felt great.  Next bottom, sugar at 60, glucose, not food, to  the rescue. From now on I declared a war. Hypoglycemia, you have met your match.
Before I was very angry at myself for eating more, for being hungry, I felt like I was getting back to my former life and all this effort is wasting away. I feel stupid that I did not think about such obvious cause.
Later I  measured my sugar often, and amazingly could keep it at around 100 for rest of the day. No more downs, no more hunger. I still feel tired but I am sure that I have a handle on the problem.

This trip is not on the super-highway, but on the bumpy, twisted country road without pavement. There are thousands or millions roads just like this, but this road, just like others, was never traveled by anyone else.
We all are pioneers, trailblazers, however I also know that nobody else will travel that same path again, even though millions of identical paths exist, this one is mine.
Otherwise it would have been easier..
I don't look back, and I know that going back would be the easiest since that's the only direction where familiar places are, but I cannot look back.
Hope my experiences help other fellow travelers who find themselves stranded somewhere in the wild.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Weight Watchers (at work)

I took advantage of the free Weight Watchers program offered for the University employees and today I signed up and attended my first meeting. I need weekly dose of brain wash. I will see how the high protein post-bariatric surgery diet blends with points from WW.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Much better...

These were tough few weeks. Real crisis. I haven't felt zombie like this in a long, long time. Slowly things started to get better. Increased iron and B12 might have helped, however I also made a conscientious decision to eat more  as I was suspecting that eight months of very limited diet might produce that tiredness.  It worked, at least it appears that it is working. Yesterday instead of going to school to prepare for Monday I decided to take advantage of beautiful Spring weather and went on 250 mile motorcycle trip along the incredible Oregon coast. The energy is coming back as well as desire to to something else than just recline in the chair. I also started to take Melatonin and that helped to get good night rest. Before I would wake up at 3AM, not anymore. So this was just one more pothole on the road. They warned me it will not be smooth.
Thanks you very much to all of you who send me emails with your wishes and worries. I will respond individually today. Yesterday's open road, sun, and ocean was finally a game-changer. On the negative side - I am still waiting to break 200lbs barrier. It will happen.