Monday, March 22, 2010

Soul Searching

Few facts first:
1. I have not lost a single pound this year so far
2. I can eat anything
3. That is bad combination.
4. Not feeling great
It was a long silence from me - reasons were few. I was finishing the class, preparing for the final exam, had a conference in Phoenix, then three sessions of finals, finally caught a bad cold and spent few days in bed.
During the conference, which just happen to be in five star resort with abundance of food and liqueur, it was hard to stay focused on picking the 'right' food, avoid temptations, etc. I stayed away from alcohol, coffee, but I had discovered that I can have a piece of pastry without punishment. Sorry, the punishment was strictly mental. Last few days I am recovering from the cold. I feel weak, I see that my muscles deteriorated, and I am still feeling without any energy. Going to the gym is still a future project, going to bed is much easier accomplished. I am becoming worried that my surgery was limited to my 'gastric' system and not my brain, do I need some kind of hypnosis? Weight Watchers help as a weekly reminder, bariatric center support meetings are monthly reminder, but I feel like I need it every hour. For the first time I have doubts, I am afraid that I am failing. I am still 35 lbs away from my goal and I will not accept compromise.
I made an appointment for tomorrow with my general practitioner to see what can be done with my total lack of energy, but as of now I have been trying to evaluate what is happening. I am not sure. I see the cycle of no energy, no exercise, increased hunger, no weight loss, and I seem to be powerless to break out of it.