Friday, July 31, 2009

Changes, changes

Things are changing day to day, and even every few hours. The pain associated with eating is GONE! I think it was some scar tissue being torn. What a relief! I had some soup - no pain. Cherries. No pain. Cooked shrimps. No pain. So it was just something very temporary.
Surprise at every corner.
Now I am scared that I will be able to eat WITHOUT penalty! Haha, not true, today I am still below 650 calories. And if I will have something, it will be a glass of milk.
I feel generally MUCH better today. I am still looking for the day when I could put whole day of intensive effort at work. I am lucky, I am preparing next year's program, and I still have a lot of time, so it is way too early to panic. But I do not feel good about days going by without seeing real progress in my output.
I have to quote one of my favorite poems from Laurie Anderson:

The one-armed man walks into a flower shop and says:
What flower expresses days go by
and they just keep going by endlessly
pulling you into the future.
Days go by
Endlessly pulling you into the future.
And the florist says:
White Lily.

New Stage - penalty for eating

I guess I entered new stage - of pain after eating ANYTHING. I am not sure if this is normal or not. I know that some of the readers had previously similar experience, please share with me. Before the soft food like cottage cheese would just go through the pouch. Now everything stops there. After few bites there is a lot of pressure and discomfort. I suppose to have three meals - but that would mean totally inadequate nutrition. So I munch. A bit of cheese, sip of milk, etc. One low-fat string cheese stick (60 cal, 6g protein) is a major effort to consume. I tried the soup again, but I could only have may be 2 oz. The strange thing is that in the last 3 days my weight remained virtually unchanged, even though I ate only about 700 cal per day. It just shows how my system is resistant to weight loss. It was happening before, except this time instead of starving at 700 calories I have to force myself to eat 700 calories.