Last Supper

Time for the last supper. I debated what to have.
No more food after 5PM, no more water after midnight.
I could not think of anything special.
I was never a big fan of junk food, but my last meal turned out to be:
- 2 Famous Star hamburgers from Carl's Jr. - wrapped in lettuce - no bun. Special for $3.
- Diet Dr. Pepper.
How boring and how exciting.

Path of no return

Today:
Pre-Op - check!
Co-Pay - check!
Pre-surgery mandatory weight loss - check!

Ready, ready, ready, ready...
I think I am.
I think I am.
Definitely I am.
Ready, ready, ready, ready...
Put me to sleep now.

Tomorrow:
Anesthesiologist, lab, last minute shopping, laundry, cat litter, food, and water, no food after 6PM, no water after midnight.
Thursday: be there at 5AM.

Home Friday or Saturday.

New Life

Who needs all,
5% is fine.
Snip, snip, staple, staple…
Plumbing rearranged,
Welcome to new life.

The Fears

The fear I’m experiencing is not the fear of the surgery. That’s peanuts. I am not worried about possible complications, odds are slim. The fear of going through such drastic change afterwords, that is scary.
The fear of gaining back the weight after few years that would make this whole effort dangerously worthless.
The fear of looking like a shriveled prune. I better start saving now for some skin removal procedure next year.
The fear of mental adjustment. I have this stupid (or may be not) theory that by burning fat one also burns the accumulated toxins. That is why they do not advise to eat fish with the skin from the Great Lakes… Fish accumulate garbage in their fat tissue, so do us. Burning fat means burning toxins. But of course I am not sure if this is true, even if it sounds plausible.
The fear of handling my job after surgery. I am 100% confident that I will do fine, which of course is in denial of the fear.

I would like to believe that the weight loss will solve EVERYTHING in my life, but I also know that the only thing changed will be my weight. My normal other struggles will remain the same. And I have to keep repeating this to myself. ONLY MY WEIGHT WILL CHANGE!
I stockpiled on liquid whey protein supplements that suppose to be my main diet for the first 3 weeks. I bought my multivitamins, B12, Calcium Citrate; all suppose to be my supplements for the rest of my life. I have to say good bye to coffee (BIG loss), sweets (occasional loss), and carbonated drinks (substantial loss- I will miss you Pellegrino). The requirement to chew each bite at least 30 times is very difficult to practice.
I hope that former (and prospective) patients can find this blog and share their experiences and thoughts.

Surgery approved and scheduled.

Suddenly everything is clear! At least the dates are. Today the insurance authorization came through. Pre-Op will be next Tuesday, labs Wednesday morning and surgery on Thursday 6/25. Even though the wait is over and decision made, my anxiety is still there. This is going to be one of the most important decisions of my life, a truly life changing event.

The waiting was unnerving. Originally I was hoping for the middle of the August date. This would allow me to use my summer break as a recovery time. Unfortunately, the only doctor in Eugene decided to move to Corvallis on Aug 1, and the last day for the Gastric Bypass surgery was July 8. The Oregon Bariatric Center is actively hiring two surgeons, however realistically surgeries would not start until late fall. I teach at the University of Oregon business school, and I have very large classes, around 400 students in two sections per quarter, and that makes having surgery during the academic year virtually impossible. I will also teach Summer Term – but the class will be very small, I will cancel my Thursday lecture, but be back for my Tuesday lecture. According to the Bariatric Center, I should be able to that after 5 days. I am disappointed that I have to have that surgery during the class in session, however I am very glad I do not have to wait until December. By December I could be 100 lbs lighter…

I am 62 years old male. My weight is around 300 lb – and it was fluctuating between 250 – 320 lbs during the last 20 years. I am always able to lose 30-50 lbs, but then I will plateau and that was it. No more. Eventually the weight would slowly creep up. Two years ago I had my last and most serious attempt. I went from 305 to 245, and for 3 months I could not lose a single ounce. Frustrated eventually I gave up. Two years later I am back and I wished I would not have given away my ‘Fat’ clothes.

What I am looking forward:

• Of course weight lost.
• Get rid of my diabetes that I could not control without Insulin, but with insulin I gain weight. Bayetta did not affect my weight – but blood sugar stayed high (mornings on the average 200). Actually diabetes is bigger motivation than just weight loss. Gastric bypass suppose to eliminate 90% of diabetes and I hope I will be among that number.
• Increased energy level. At work I could be full of energy – but at home I collapse. Instead of doing some physical activities I use to love to do, biking, walking, etc, I prefer to go to bed. A lot of times I am just incredibly exhausted…
• I have become very conscious about my weight and for sure decided that I would not date any woman who is so overweight, and therefore I feel like a hypocrite when I expect women to ignore my looks.

What I am afraid:

• Changes in all food related activities, which really mean almost all social interaction.
• Replacing one disease (or handicap) with self-inflicted another.
• Lose skin and looking like 100 years old.
• I understand that many people who underwent this surgery develop depression. I guess this is my fear number 1.
• I am not sure how this procedure will affect my work. Teaching is not an easy job.

To be continued…

Welcome

I am not sure yet about this blog yet. I am waiting for an authorization for the surgery which might happen any day, but also might be postponed until December. I set up the sails, but I can not control the weather.